Saturday, May 3, 2008

Incubus (2005)

I was really holding out some hope for Tara Reid. I liked her in Van Wilder, Urban Legend, etc. and although Taradise was a huge trainwreck, it had it's moments.

Incubus is just absolutely awful. This movie skipped the theaters (thankfully) and went straight to the internet, where you could pay to download it, and then somehow, I dug it out of the clearance bin at Blockbuster for $3.99, hoping it might be good for a few laughs and some cheap blood and gore.

Incubus follows a group of 20-somethings as they get into some sort of car accident. They're all fine, but they have no cell phones or way of getting anywhere, so they randomly begin walking through the woods. They stumble across an old mental hospital and decide to take shelter there, as they believe freezing to death is imminent. (it doesn't seem that cold out)

The doors are all locked so they decide to scale to the roof and go in that way. They randomly produce hiking gear and drop through some sort of skylight. Except for one girl, who just decides this is all too much for her, and peaces back into the woods. So this leaves 3 guys and 2 girls to fend for themselves.
Now the DVD box describes the mental hospital as "littered with bodies." Let me just inform you that there are exactly two bodies, and no one is really tripping over them. A more thorough investigation begets a weird naked dude locked in this room and hooked up to a whole bunch of machines. Tara Reid apparently immediately knows that this is some guy who killed his parents and they're doing some sort of crazy testing on. There's no file or anything, so I have no idea how she came to this conclusion.
They all start running around the hospital and there is just some terrible editing. Sometimes Tara's shirt is soaked through with blood, sometimes it's fresh and clean, and there's a couple of more crazies running around this place. The dialogue is awful, and all of the characters should really be named "Captain Obvious" as they wander around the hospital making random observations and fail to just get. the. fuck. out. of. there.
The back story to the locked-up guy is straight rip-off of The Cell, but nowhere near as interesting or creepy. The ending was obviously just picked out of a hat, or written completely wasted, becuase it makes no discernable sense whatsoever.
Grade: F (Turistas - a vague attempt at copying something else, with no redeeming value whatsoever)