Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Devil's Chair (2006)

Dropping acid in an abandoned mental hospital and having sex in some weird random electric chair is not exactly my idea of fun. But apparently there are individuals in this world (especially England) who are into this kind of thing.

Jason Statham look-alike Nick West takes his girlfriend to a decrepit mental hospital to take drugs and have sex. What, do they not have an apartment to hang out in? Something goes wrong with said chair and the girlfriend is crawling around bleeding and screaming.

Fast forward to four years later and Nick is just getting out of the mental institution (not the one they dropped acid in, another one) Some smarty pants psychologists decide to take him back to the scene of the "incident" to see if he can remember what happened. So they all kind of just hang out in the mental hospital and even sleep there. One of the genius staff members (Rachel) wakes Nick up in the middle of the night and insists on sitting in that stupid chair. Apparently this is to prove that this whole crazy event had nothing to do with the chair. In predictable horror movie fashion, the chair awakens and attacks poor Rachel. In my opinion, that's what you get for tempting this damn chair and doubting its intentions.

So apparently sticking your finger in this little hole with a needle in it (which I would obviously never do) activates the chair. Even though everyone who comes near this chair ends up in a bloody mess, everyone in this movie just keeps sitting in it.

There's bugs everywhere in the movie, there's some kind of crazy devil-creature that looks like Predator, and eventually they give up on the blood and gore involved with the chair and make peple just vanish when they sit in it.

All of the scenes end in this weird freeze frame with this stupid-narration thing. The narrator even spend like 3 minutes screaming at the end about how stupid and badly-acted this movie is. Seriously, I could barely leave this movie in my DVD player for the full 90 minutes. It was that bad. The ending made absolutely no sense and I could not even explain it to you if I tried.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Movie News: H2 now Halloween II


I like this change. H2 sounded like some sort of gas-guzzling SUV or a new vacuum model or something. Plus, the new poster is hot. WIN.