Friday, October 9, 2009

Movie News: The Cabin in the Woods Has a Release Date!


So I sort of wrote this movie off as another stupid rip-off, but this poster intrigues me. Will this be Evil Dead meets Scary Movie? Friday the 13th meets Cabin Fever?
Apparently Joss Whedon claims that this will be "the horror movie to end all horror movies." Statements like that make me want to prove people wrong ;o)
Anyway, this drops on February 5, 2010, and I think you'll probably see me paying my $12 to check it out.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Movie News: The Fields Set for 2011 Release


As mentioned previously on this blog, it looks like someone had the horrible sense to hire Tara Reid for a movie that doesn't involve sex with baked goods.
Looks like Cloris Leachman has jumped on the trainwreck and this mess is set for release in 2011. Did they learn nothing from the disaster that was Incubus?

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

100 Feet (2008)

I loveeeee me some Famke Janssen. I don't care if she's playing a transexual sleeping with a teenager or rich mommy whose kid got stolen... I love the chick. So I was psyched to check out this movie. Plus I love love love movies that take place in my fabulous city.

Marie Watson (Famke, herself) is on house arrest. The cop/PO that is so pissed at her is Funky Spunk from Sex and the City. I find this hysterical. Sorry...some people just can't break away from that kind of thing. She's stuck in her gorgeous Brooklyn apartment and she cannot even open the door. She can barely get the mail.

Our heroine is on said house arrest because she killed her abusive husband. Unfortunately, the man is her PO's ex-partner. Oooops. She sets about to cleaning up the bloodstains which is certainly what I would do if I shot my asshole husband. But house arrest is boring, and her old friends don't want to talk to her.

Some hot delivery boy toy (Chuck Bass, himself!) comes the bring the groceries, and it's indicative that little interaction is going to become a storyline. Unfortunately for Marnie, though, her ghost husband is chasing her around the house and ruining her plans for an underage booty call. She bites it on the stairs running from Casper and Funky Spunk has to show up and question her. He really wants her ass back in jail. Seriously, let a sister chill for six months and catch up on reality TV, yo.

I love the accuracy of this movie -- whether it be bitching about Con-Ed, getting groceries from Gristedes, or the realistic look and vibe of the neighborhood. Girlfriend is ready to get her supernatural hubby to peace the hell out, so she gets grocery boy to fetch her some ghost books. She makes a plan for kicking the ghost up out of her place, but unfortunately this involves going outside of her ankle bracelet zone and getting bitch slapped once again.

So poor Marnie has to explain to the jackass cop why she's turning up with bruises when she lives alone and can't leave the house. 5-0 is not taking her seriously, and she gives Chuck Bass a dial. He comes over and I guess you could figure out the rest ;o). She's gotta be old enough to be his mother...damn.

The ghost keeps running shit and further chaos ensues. The ending was decent...it closed everything up nicely.

I liked this movie...but not really as a horror. It was more like a thriller/drama, as I was never really scared but intrigued. I thought Famke Janssen was great, although Chuck Bass was replaceable by any teen boy toy out there. Stick this on Lifetime or TNT and it would do really well.


Trick R Treat (2008)

The day where I get to see this movie has finally arrived. The release of Trick R Treat has been a long time coming, but luckily for all horror fans, it's finally here.

Trick R Treat intertwines several different stories in what seems like a pretty normal little town. There's a group of saucy ladies dressed up as Disney princesses, a school principal handing out poison candy, a freaky little kid in a weird costume, and some kids finding out a weird town secret.

There's lot of good gore in here right from the start. It's definitely not overboard though...just bloody enough ;o) There does seem to be a LOT going on in this movie though and it's a little hard to keep track.

So the princesses attempt to make party plans, and take off without poor Anna Paquin (dressed as Little Red Riding Hood). The principal feeds a fat kid some poison candy and attempts to hide him in the backyard. Meanwhile, his kid is carving pumpkins that aren't exactly orange and from a patch. And some curious kids are down at the quarry trying to solve the great mystery of some missing kids from a special school.

So the deal with the kids is pretty boring, but boy it's looks like those princesses have something up their sleeve...or fangs ;o) Looks like our beloved Sookie was putting in a little practice before True Blood. Also, "Sweet Dreams" by Marilyn Manson? That brings me back to my junior high goth days.

Some drunk old guy is using his dog to scare off trick or treaters (just don't answer the door, dude!) And then we've got mummies and skeletons, and just when I was about to give up on that creepy little kid, he makes an appearance. He has button eyes and hides knives in candy. He's certainly no Gage Creed, but he can walk on the ceiling and I dig that. But re-attaching limbs? What is this Freddy part 17? Come on.

There is a revelation at the end, and it made sense, but it wasn't enough to tie the movie together.

I am sad to admit....I didn't love this. It was like a bunch of appetizers and no main course. I mean, I love apps. They're delicious. But at some point, it has to come together or its not a complete meal. This shit was all over the place. And each individual little story could have made their own movie. But all jammed into one movie? It just never quite worked.

Movie News: Offspring out on DVD? That was fast!


Apparently I'm falling off my game a little bit in my old age. Right in time for Halloween season, Jack Ketchum's Offspring is out on DVD. That one slipped right by me. Was this even out in theaters? Not that I can see.
I rushed this to the top of my queue and will be checking it out this week. Also, the poster with the baby is badass. You know my feelings on babies in horror movies, but this one isn't answering a deadly cell phone, so it's cool.