Saturday, July 31, 2010

Rooms for Tourists (2004)

I was alerted to this awesome flick by the badass Big Daddy Horror Reviews.   Who knew that incredible horror was coming from Argentina?  Not this chica.

Rooms for Tourists is the story of a group of girls having some travels.  They're on a bus from their hometown to transfer to a train in a dumpy little town called San Ramon.  They arrive at a gas station only to realize this is not going to be a typical transfer.  They trek to the train station only to find out that the train left early.  Luckily (unluckily?) for them, a "good Samaritan" offers to let them stay at he and his brother's house, as they occasionally rent rooms to tourists.

The town is ultra-religious and has crazy sermons to cast the devil out of people.  When the girls arrive at the house, they feel it's a bit creepy, but have no choice at this point.  They eat dinner with the religious freaks, who lecture them nonstop.  They retire to bed....until they hear a bloodcurdling scream.

The rest of the movie is exciting and suspenseful as the girls attempt to flee the house.  They all end up having an interesting connection, which comes as a surprise and a good tie-in for the whole story.  I loved this movie, and I haven't said that in a while.

Home Sick (2007)

I'm really sorry, but I hated this movie.  It started out so strong, and I was really excited to see what was going to happen.  And then it just seriously failed from there on.

At the beginning of this movie, there's a weird guy in a motel room trying to get two goth chicks to pee on him.  Or vice versa.  What the fuck?  Fast forward to a little house party.  Everyone's already watching a flick and drinking beers and in comes a couple who obviously don't want to be there.

Randomly, a man named Mr. Suitcase (Bill Moseley) shows up.  He has a suitcase full of razorblades, and directs everyone to name someone that they hate.  Every time they name someone, he cut himself with a razor.  He sings a song and leaves, but by now, the shit is on.

After this, everyone named starts dying in weird ways.  This movie was sooooo slow and I didn't care about any of the people.  By the time we got to the deaths, I was like whatever.  The best and creepiest part of the movie was the appearance of Mr. Suitcase at the very beginning.  After that, FAIL.

*Bill Moseley appears at 14:08 minutes into the movie.
*Best quote from B. Moseley: "Forget about the razors...pretend they're not even there."

Vicious (2003)

This flick was seriously low budget.  In fact, I think they blew their whole allowance on the appearances by Bill Moseley and Tom Savini.

Vicious is about a group of people who go camping for the weekend.  There's couple Doug and Barbara, and their bumbling friends Steve and Hal.  Apparently this was supposed to be a boys' weekend, but Barbara insisted on tagging along, and instituting a no-beer-drinking rule.  This chick sounds like a total drag.

Steve and Hal make a break for it and go into town to get supplies.  They make a detour at the local bar and pound a few brewskis before they meet Kane (Tom Savini).  He tells them that there's a great fishing spot located inside military territory, but don't worry, they won't get into trouble ;o)

Meanwhile, the military is having a bit of a problem.  Wallace (Bill Moseley) sails into town to let the local grunts know to call off the little "experiment" that's living in the woods.  He brings in a couple of Marines to do the job, and they keep their sights on Kane.

Nonsense ensues as Steve and Hal walk right into the path of the little "experiment", right along with the Marines.  The special effects in this flick were HORRENDOUS and they should have just made the killer a person instead of some half-assed monster.  The story was meh at most and totally ruined by the revelation of the predator.

By the way, I'm going to start doing this Flesh of the Stars style and note when Bill Moseley appears

*Bill Moseley appears at the 6:12 minute mark
*Best quote: "Sometimes it's a whole lot easier to get forgiveness than permission."

Friday, July 30, 2010

Movie News: Danielle Harris is NOT in "The Gathering"

Even IMDB is claiming that Danielle Harris has signed on for "The Gathering" but the actress insists that it is NOT true.  From her Twitter (@halloweengal)

"I'VE NEVER BEEN INVOLVED IN THE MOVIE 'THE GATHERING'.  Never heard of it and it's all over that I'm signed on.  NOT TRUE.  Pass it on."

There's TONS of horror names being listed as being in this movie, including Robert Englund, Bill Moseley, Linda Blair, Billy Drago, and William Sadler.  I wonder if any of it is true...?

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Top Ten Creepiest Kids in Horror Movies

The "top ten willy inducing moments" posts got me thinking about something.  Creepy kids in movies scare the shit out of me, man.  I've been known to hide under a blanket when freaky tykes are featured in horror movies, and I have not gotten less scared about this as I've gotten older.

Therefore, I decided to compile a list of what I think are the creepiest kids in horror movies.  In no particular order, of course.  As with the "top ten willy inducing moments," these are totally personal and not everyone will agree with me. 

#1 - Danny Torrance in The Shining

I actually didn't think those twin girls were all that scary.  But when Danny moves his finger around and makes it talk, that shit was not right.  And that voice he did was so eerie.  Gross.

#2 - Those kids in Village of the Damned

This gives me nightmares.  The end.

#3 - Gage Creed in Pet Semetary

I think it's safe to say that Miko Hughes wins the award for creepiest kid on screen EVER.  Thank you, Hughes parents, for letting your kid act in horror when he was only 3.  This has provided horror-lovers with one of the scariest kids to ever appear in a movie.

#4 - Joshua Cairn in Joshua

This movie kind of flew under the radar, but it was sooo good.  I mean, I wasn't too thrilled about my little sister being born but this kid takes it to the extreme.

#5 - Every last one of those little brats in The Children

This movie seriously made me want to get my tubes tied.  Those kids were freaky in every way imaginable.  The tent scene, chasing them through the trees, the monkey bars....I'm having a panic attack right now.

#6 - All those kids in Children of the Corn

The only thing worse than scary kids is scary kids who are religious fanatics.  Oh, and who kill all the adults in town to carry on their psycho plans.

#7 - Esther in Orphan

I know this movie got mixed reviews, but I liked it.  This chick was seriously scary and the one fail with this movie was why in the hell those people adopted such a freakish kid.  There had to be other options.

#8 - Those twins in Flowers in the Attic

I find this movie to be ridiculously disturbing in and of itself but something with those semi-inbred twins just always creeped me out.  Especially the little boy...eeekkk.

#9 - Henry Evans in The Good Son

Maybe this doesn't technically qualify as a horror movie, but this flick was seriously scary.  MC was such a great child actor and he played this role to the height of creepiness.

#10 - Dylan Porter in Wes Craven's A New Nightmare


Miko Hughes is the reigning king of scary kids.  He wasn't quite as scary in New Nightmare as he was in Pet Semetary but when he taped those knives to his fingers, it came pretty damn close.

So there's my list.  Leave suggestions in the comments, or start your own list.  I'm sure I forgot a few little spawns of Satan.

Evil Bong (2006)

I really needed a pick me up yesterday and this movie was perfect for it.  I'm not a stoner myself, but for some reason, I find stoner movies endlessly hilarious.

Evil Bong is the story of pothead roommates Larnell, Bachman, and Brett.  They're looking for a roommate, and along comes super-geek Alistair.  Alistair moves in and becomes comic fodder for the trio as he studies ruthlessly, uses sophisticated language and washes his tighty-whities in the kitchen sink.

One day, Larnell is reading through High Times and comes across an ad for a supposedly possessed bong.  He, of course, must have it  and orders immediately.  The gigantic bong arrives and all (except Alistair) smoke it.  However, there are negative consequences to using said bong.  Smokers drift into a deep sleep, and enter Bong World, where strippers and revelry await.  The problem? Dun. dun. dunnnnn.  You don't wake up.

When Alistair's love interest becomes trapped in Bong World, he makes a heroic attempt to save her.  Tommy Chong plays the ex-owner of the bong, showing up to conquer it.  Even Brandi C. from Rock of Love appears as a stripper.  And in a hilarious cameo, Bill Moseley delivers the best line of the movie, "I am going to work on you with a car battery and a grapefruit spoon!"

Obviously this movie wasn't breaking any cinematic ground, but I found it to be pretty funny.

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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams (2010)

I feel like people who are giving this thing horrendous reviews were really expecting a little too much from it.  I mean you kind of have to know what you're getting into with this movie.  The first one was gory, gratuitious, and ultra-campy, and it was clear that this one was going to have less budget and more camp (literally as well, since they're actually camping outside in this one)

Bill Moseley has replaced Robert Englund as Mayor Buckman due to scheduling conflicts.  That's fine with me because I'd love to see Bill Moseley in any movie.  It appears that this year, the Guts and Glory Jamboree is not going to be happening.  Apparently the sheriff's office has recieved complaints about missing people and they can't keep turning a blind eye to the detour sign.

So, the people of Pleasant Valley decide to pack up and take the show on the road.  They set up their jamboree in a field in Iowa and start the fun.  They stick a detour sign on the road, and some idiots take the bait right away.  There's a crew in a trailer trekking cross country, filming a Simple Life-type show with celebutantes Rome and Tina. 

They have seriously managed to squeeze every stereotype possible into this little trailer: the bossy Australian producer (Val), slutty assistant (Bristol), foul mouthed Hispanic driver (Jesus), video vixen-esque AA girl (Black Cherry), and the stars' Kevin Federline-wannabe boyfriends (K-Jay and Falcon)  Jesus is "distracted" (aka recieving sexual favors) while pulling off the detour and he crashes the trailer.  With two flat tires and only one spare, it looks like the crew is stuck in hick-ville.

Val decides this will be great for the show, and encourages everyone to participate in the jamboree.  Intitial shenanigans occur, but the Pleasant Valley-ites are ready for some bloodshed.  They pick the crew off one by one, and the disappointment here is that the kills were definitely not as fun or creative as the first 2001 Maniacs.

Bill Moseley was badass as usual as Mayor Buckman, but the sex scene with Granny was just unnecessary and ridiculous.  The acting was horrendous (of course) but I thought this movie was fun.  Definitely not scary and not as entertaining as the first one, but worth a look for some laughs.

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The Fun Park (2007)

This was a weird little movie.  I actually put this on my queue thinking that it would be a rip-off of The Funhouse (which I loveeee) but this was kind of different. 

So there's this clown, Bobo.  He loves being a clown, and he's a huge hit at the local amusement park.  However, one night in 1980, he is apparently blugeoned to death while locking up the park.  Local legend says that Bobo's ghost continues to haunt the park.

It's 26 years later, and they're getting ready to tear down the "fun park."  A group of teenagers go to hang out there one night and have fun and get all spooked about the clown ghost.  They soon discover that Bobo may not be a ghost, and that maybe he didn't really perish on that fateful night. 

Unfortunately when the lone survivor, Megan, emerges from the clown-induced bloodbath, there are no bodies to be found and no believes her crazy ass.  But a caring psychologist decides to dig deeper and discovers a secret lair full of murderrrrrr. 

This movie was super low-budget and sort of corny, but it actually was decent.  Of course the acting wasn't Oscar-worthy, but come on, what do you expect?

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Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)

What an odd movie this was.  I guess it could be most compared to Rocky Horror Picture Show with the singing and such but the similarities kind of stop there. 

Repo! is the story of a futuristic world where lots of people are sick.  Therefore, these sick people need organs.  Luckily, there's a company called GeneCo, that will not only supply organs for you, but provide financing.  However, there's a downside.  If you don't make your organ payments (hehe), the repo man comes and takes them away.

GeneCo is run by the imposing Rotti Largo (Paul Sorvino), who turns out to be ill himself.  He's burdened with three selfish children: Luigi (Bill Moseley), Pavi (Ogre), and Amber (Paris Hilton). Meanwhile, on the other end of town lives Shilo Wallace (Alexa Vega) and her overprotective father, Nathan (Anthony Stewart Head)  Shilo apparently has some sort of blood disease which requires her to stay inside and take a constant stream of medication.

While the Largo siblings run wild and take advantage of their father's positions, drama brews between Nathan and Rotti.  Shilo disobeys her father, and sneaks out of the house, encountering a graverobber among others.  I'm not much for musicals, but the songs in this movie are pretty funny and well-performed.  And those who are turned off because of Paris Hilton, don't worry.  She's actually barely in the movie and only sings one song, which is pretty decent.

This definitely wasn't as good as Rocky Horror, but check it out if you like horror-ish musicals.  Although I guess not many of those exist ;o)

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Monday, July 26, 2010

Horror Bloggers Meme :o)

I'm such a dork and I love questionnaires like this.  I feel slightly sad that I am too old to complete them all the time on Facebook like my teenage cousins do.  Thanks to Billy Loves Stu for this one!

1: In Ten Words or Less, Describe Your Blog:

Reviewing all movies possible -- good, bad, or ugly.

2: During What Cinematic Era Where you Born?

A: The Classic Horror Era (late 30's to 40's)
B: The Atomic Monster/Nuclear Angst Era (the late 40's through 50's)
C: The Psycho Era ( Early 60's)
D: The Rosemary's Baby Era (Mid to Late 60's)
E: The Exorcism Era (Early to mid 70's)
F: The Halloween Era (Late 70's to Early 80's)
G: The Slasher Era (Mid to late 80's)
H: The Self Referential/Post Modern Era (1990 to 1999)

Halloween era, if that covers 1983.

3: The Carrie Compatibility Question:

(gay men and straight women - make your choice from section A)
A: Billy Nolan or Tommy Ross, who would you take to the prom?

(straight guys and lesbians - make your choice from section B)
B: Sue Snell or Chris Hargensen, who would you take to the prom?

I'd have to say Billy Nolan.  Tommy Ross looked like Leif Garrett and that is not my jam.

4: You have been given an ungodly amount of money, and total control of a major motion picture studio - what would your dream Horror project be?

Probably something gratuitous and ridiculous like Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash vs. Michael Myers.  With cameos by Danny Trejo, Bill Moseley, Stephen King, and Danielle Harris.  Danielle would have to be  dressed as a young Michael Myers.  And this is why I don't have control over a major motion picture studio.

5: What horror film "franchise" that others have embraced, left you cold?

Hellraiser.  I just don't get it, or like it, or anything.  Sorry, Pinhead fans.

6: Is Michael Bay the Antichrist?

Affirmative.  Everything went totally downhill after the Texas Chainsaw Massacre update, which I will admit I liked.

7: Dracula, The Wolf Man, The Frankenstein Monster - which one of these classic villains scares you, and why?

None of them.  I know it makes me a bad person but I've never been a fan of the old/classic horror movies.

8: Tell me about a scene from a NON HORROR Film that scares the crap out of you:

This happens to me much more than you would think.  Murder in the First and Inside (not the French one) come to mind.  But in my opinion, the ultimate non-horror scare is when Elliot finds E.T. all shriveled up and white on the side of that creek.  It makes me shiver just thinking about it. 

9: Baby Jane Hudson invites you over to her house for lunch. What do you bring?

Some sort of poultry and probably booze.

10: So, between you and me, do you have any ulterior motives for blogging? Come, on you can tell me, it will be our little secret, I won't tell a soul.

I love horror movies so I'd probably write it either way.  But seriously, I have always aspired to be a writer, and I'm stuck in the ultra-boring corporate world, by no choice of my own.  I'd like to make the horror thing a profitable venture at some point.

11: What would you have brought to Rosemary Woodhouse's baby shower?

A little devil costume, maybe...?  I mean, you might as well go with it.

12: Godzilla vs The Cloverfield Monster, who wins?

Wasn't Cloverfield just a baby or something?  Maybe if he grew up he could beat Godzilla.

13: If you found out that Rob Zombie was reading your blog, what would you post in hopes that he read it?

I'm actually Rob Zombie-obsessed, so I've considered this possibility in my daydreams.  In this fantasy world, I debate taking down my scathing review of Halloween 2.  Then I decide that a real fan would give him the truth. 

In reality, I'd update my House of 1000 Corpses review, since I wrote it so long ago and it's not as developed as my current reviews.  But I'd leave up H2 because god damn, that movie was awful.  I'd also leave up my trashing of The Blob remake and begging him to make another TDR/House-ish movie.

14: What is your favorite NON HORROR FILM, and why?

Almost Famous.  I don't have a good explanation...I just love that movie.

15: If blogging technology did not exist, what would you be doing?

Driving my husband nuts with my constant talk of horror movies.  Sooo...basically the same thing I was doing before I started this blog.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Movie News: The "Saw" series enters the Guinness Book of World Records

Love it or hate it, the Saw series does not fool around.  It has earned the Guinness Book of World Records title for "Most Successful Horror Movie Sequels."  After 7 movies, and $730 million in worldwide box office revenues, Saw has managed to surpass predecessors such as Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, and Jason Voorhees to claim the top spot.

It was announced earlier this week that this Halloween's installment, Saw 3D, will be the end of the series.  The ultra-gory finale had to be re-edited and submitted to the MPAA six times in order to get an R rating.  There are a record 11 booby traps, and the filmmakers claim that viewers' lingering questions will be answered. 

I stopped watching around the time of they left poor Donnie Walhberg on that ice block because I just couldn't follow the damn plot anymore, but this record is a pretty big achievement.  I'm tempted to watch the whole series again to see if 3D will really answer all my questions.  Might be a project for a rainy weekend.

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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Movie News: Kristen Stewart to star in "Martyrs" remake?

News like this irritates me SO MUCH.  Seriously, Kristen Stewart?  Go find another glittery vampire movie to join the cast of.  And seriously, lame Twilight producer?  Pick another movie, any movie.  Horror fans beg you.

I was saddened enough by the news that Martyrs was getting an American remake.  Some movies (*cough* I Spit on Your Grave *cough*) should not be touched and this is one of them.  No lame American remake is going to be as good as Martyrs especially not with this stupid-ass chick in it.

Apparently Wyck Godfrey, who has produced such gems as Twilight  and Dear John, got his grubby little hands on the remake rights to Martyrs and has his heart set on Kristen Stewart to star.  Hopefully this is the most depressing news I hear today. 

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Random: Bill Moseley Movie Project

Anyone who reads this blog knows that I'm pretty freakin' obsessed with Bill Moseley.  This all started with House of 1000 Corpses/Devil's Rejects.  Then I kept seeing him in more and more movies and decided that he was a totally badass guy and worthy of my horror obsession.

I watch a lot of movies for purposes of this blog (and just because I love them)  I pick them for a variety of reasons, and some I just choose at complete random.  My favorite movies to watch and write up are random/low-budget/unheard of flicks that aren't already covered all over the internetz.  In fact, I've sort of grown to loathe box office horror and I've kind of stepped away from even covering those movies, even though I do occasionally see them, including that piece of crap that was Shutter Island.

Anyway, I digress.  I wanted some sort of goal to set for movie watching and I'm sort of past "all the Freddys" or "every single Halloween in one sitting."  So I decided to see how many movies Bill Moseley has been in.  Wow, he has been in a lot.  Including non-horror, but we're just going to stick with horror on this.  From his IMDB, I counted 21 that I haven't seen yet.  Some (i.e. Silent Night, Deadly Night 3) are not available on Netflix, or elsewhere for that matter.  So those will have to hold off for a bit.  But my goal is to watch every horror movie Bill Moseley has ever been in.  So if you see a lot of Choptop around here lately, that would be why. 

Full disclosure: my inspiration for this project is the upcoming NYC Comic Con.  I suspect the man himself may be there.  I have this ridiculous idea of being able to go up to him and say "I'm a huge fan.  I've seen all of your movies.  Literally."  But I really have to work on this approach so that it doesn't come off all Annie Wilkes ;o) 

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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Movie News: Offspring Sequel - The Woman

This one has really flown under the doesn't even have an IMDB page yet.  I'm a HUGE Jack Ketchum fan and I'm really excited for this.  Ketchum has been penning a book, The Woman, which picks up right where Offspring left off.  It will be released on hardcover in January 2011.

In addition, Lucky McKee has teamed up to work with Angela Bettis, Sean Bridgers, and Polyanna McIntosh on the movie version.  Now I wasn't the biggest fan of the movie version of Offspring but I loved the book  So I am looking forward to see how this particular movie turns out with some new drivers at the wheel.

Production begins next month in Massachusetts.  They actually had plans to shoot in the Offspring location of Muskegon, Michigan, but the state told them no freakin' way.

Here's the synopsis from Dread Central:

"The Woman is the last surviving member of a feral clan that has roamed the Northeast Coast for decades. When the last of her family is killed in a battle with the police, The Woman finds herself alone, severely wounded and vulnerable. Unfortunately, she is now a far too easy prey for local hunter, successful country lawyer and seriously disturbed family man Christopher Cleek. With his twisted set of ideals, Cleek decides to embark upon a deranged project - to capture her and "break" The Woman - a decision that will soon threaten the lives of Cleek, his family and The Woman."

More to come as filming begins!

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Storm Warning (2007)

Ahhh, I love this picture, because it depicts the most badass part of this movie.  Storm Warning is an Australian flick about a couple, Rob and Pia, who go out on a little boating expedition.  As a storm approaches, Pia feels it's time to head back to shore, but Rob believes they have enough time to take the scenic route.  Incorrect. 

They end up lost in some crazy swamp and have to bring the boat ashore.  They go wandering around the island until the come upon a house that appears to be empty.  Like the morons they are for much of this movie, they go poking around the house even though it's clear that its residents are not upstanding citizens.

Said residents return home and flip shit on the yuppie couple.  These guys are serious hicks with messed up teeth who drink rum and eat baby kangaroos.  There are two brothers and their father.  Although they give these dipshits several chances to escape, they end up cooking dinner for them and then find themselves locked in a barn.

The two brothers attempt to sexually assault Pia, but are thwarted by their father, who apparently wants first dibs.  Rob (who is a major wuss in this movie) gets whacked in the leg and he's out of commission.  Instead of curling up in the fetal position and crying, Pia waits until they leave and goes all Home Alone on this shit.  Booby traps everyone and the one pictured above is the best one ;o)

Predictably, a battle ensues and it really comes to the last couple minutes to determine who will make it out alive.  There were a TON of stupid decisions made by Rob and Pia from the start, but I guess you could argue that if there were no dumb decisions, there would be no movie to watch.  The guy who played Rob was pretty meh in terms of acting and his character was a total wet blanket.  Pia on the other hand was a femme fatale and rocked those booby traps "Data"-style.

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(sorry, my hyperlinks aren't working for some reason!)

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)

I don't care what people say...I like this movie.  Sure, it gets a little cheestastic with the "freddy joining us in this world" nonsense, but whatever.  I think it's an interesting story and a solid flick.

New Nightmare focuses on Heather Langenkamp, who played Nancy in the original Nightmare on Elm Street.  She now has a husband, Chase, who works in special effects, and a son Dylan (played by creeper extraordinaire, Miko Hughes)  Heather has been struggling lately, due to numerous earthquakes in the LA area, nightmares, and a weirdo stalker who keeps calling and sending her letters)  Things get more complicated when Bob Shaye at New Line Cinema pitches her a new Nightmare movie.  Heather is less than interested, but it turns out that Wes Craven has been working on the script like crazy and is insistent that Heather be the star.

Meanwhile, at home, Heather's son Dylan is acting strangely.   After a tragic accident involving her husband, she reaches out to fellow actors Robert Englund and John Saxon for help.  However, they are currently suffering strange events as well.  Poor Julie (Dylan's babysitter, pictured above) is caught up in all of this, trying to help both Heather and Dylan.

Sure, there was a certain amount of corniness to this flick, but I actually really like it.  Miko Hughes is the superstar of creepy kids and the other actors "play themselves" to perfection.  If you're a Nightmare fan, check it out.  Definitely better than some of the other sequels.

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The Children (2008)

Yay for the UK...they're really releasing some serious horror within the last couple of years.  God knows this movie never would have passed the ratings boards in the US, so kudos to the Brits who are able to off several children in a movie, and still put it out on DVD.

The Children is about two families that come together to celebrate Christmas in the English countryside.  There are a LOT of kids in this movie, and it is really hard to follow which ones belong to which parents.  Thrown into the mix is Casey, the eldest by far at 16-17, and the result of her mother's teenage pregnancy.  Now her mom has a new husband and family and Casey is annoyed by being forced to watch over the little monsters.

One of the creepier looking kids, Paulie, becomes ill upon arrival, but the mom chocks it up to carsickness.  The other children rapidly catch the "infection" and they all start having thoughts of mayhem and murder.   They act quickly upon their unsuspecting parents, but in the confusion, the parents begin to turn against each other instead of the children.

This movie was like Children of the Corn on steroids.  These kids were so seriously freaky and the plot was shocking, exciting, and fast-paced.  Definitely one to check out, especially if you're terrified of scary children the way that I am.

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Saturday, July 17, 2010

Live Animals (2008)

I bought this thing from Best Buy called "Horror Collector's Set" for $4.99.  It has four movies on it and this is one of them.  Live Animals is seriously low-budget but I liked this flick.  It was an original concept and exciting enough to keep me watching it for 1.5 hours.

Live Animals is about a group of college kids hanging out at a cabin for the weekend (or longer?  It's not clear)  They throw a party, drink, have fun and sex, and are generally having an awesome time.

However, there's trouble lurking nearby.  A beefy masked kidnapper is all worked up to swipe some co-eds and that he does.  Hours later, they regain their senses to see that they are all locked in horse stalls in a barn.  One of the friends is being tortured in order to set an example for the others to behave.  Torture continues, but we're not sure yet why these people are being kept.

However, we soon learn that this is all part of some white slavery ring being propagated by the creepy Santa Claus looking dude that runs this shit.  Suffering continues, and some attempt escape.  Will they be successful?  That is the question.

The sound and picture kind of sucked in this movie, but I thought it was a pretty solid flick.  Especially for $1.25.  I'll keep posting reviews to the rest of the movies on the disc, and for those of you that are interested, looks like it's still available at Best Buy.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Random: My Top Ten Willy-Inducing Moments

Inspired by The Horror Digest, and several other awesome blogs, I've decided to do my own Top Ten Willy Inducing Moments.  Making lists actually makes me super-anxious, as I have a ridiculous fear of forgetting something, or someone reminding me that I missed something more awesome.  So take this list with a grain of salt, pls.

It takes a lot to freak me out these days.  I've seen countless horror movies and most of the garbage put out these days barely makes me flinch.  This list is really a combination of things that have scared me as an adult, and things that scared me as a kidand continue to give me the shivers as a grown-ass woman.   Enjoy, get scared along with me, or tell me I'm a dork that is freaked out by stupid crap.  These are in no particular order, just how I thought of them.

#1 - Entering the basement - Martyrs

This whole movie pretty much makes me want to cry and scream for my mommy, but when Anna enters the secret basement area, shit seriously hits the fan.  Even if you're seeing the movie for the first time, that scene has such a sense of horrific and impending doom that I can barely stand to watch it.  The creepy sterilized environment, the disturbing pictures -- it all sets up for such a shocking and harrowing second half of the movie.  This movie had such a huge impact on me.

#2 Diner Scene/Coins - The Hitcher

This is the closest thing I can find to a picture of this scene, but you all know what's up.  I've always found The Hitcher (original, of course) to be a seriously scary movie and this scene always got me.  Rutger Hauer/John Ryan is a serious creeper throughout this whole movie.  He torments Jim Halsey ruthlessly, and there are several previous scenes that show that he is in control of Jim's every movement.  But by the time we get to this scene, poor Jim thinks he's caught a break.  He even has a weapon for his protection.  But Ryder comes along and is all, "no, bitch, I run shit."  And then makes it extra special creepy by sticking coins on dude's eyes and walking away.  Eeeekk, this one still skeeves me out.

#3 - Chairs on the kitchen table - Poltergeist

There is so much about Poltergeist that is super-freaky.  From the actual movie to the "curse" behind it, it's truly a frightening classic.  I've seen this movie dozens of times, and I seriously nearly wet my pants every time Diane turns around and sees those chairs stacked up on the freakin' table.  It's so completely random and in sharp contrast to the idyllic sunny day and cute innocence of Carol Ann.  Gets me every time.

#4 - "Game Over" - Saw

So by now, the Saw series has worn out it's welcome, and the movies have become nearly impossible to follow.  But let's think back to before the 2398234908 sequels, and remember the freaky low-budget movie that came out of nowhere.  Saw came out when I was in college, and I saw it with a friend at a rundown cheapo theater near campus.  We both left totally freaked out, and I returned to see it again the next week.  Although it's gone down the lame/too many sequels path, you can't deny that the first one made a mark in horror history.  That last scene when Jigsaw slams the door closed always scares me the most.  The suffocating feeling of being trapped alive where no one is ever going to find you literally makes me nauseous.

#5  Zelda - Pet Semetary 

I think we can all agree that Pet Semetary is no Exorcist but this movie seriously scared me when I was younger.  The little Full House kid was beyond creepy, but even worse than that was the infamous Zelda.  From her deformed body to her hoarse, scary voice, I used to have nightmares about her being in the bed in our room instead of my sister.  I really like this movie, but even as a 27 year old, I have to shield my eyes during the Zelda scenes.

#6 Masked kidnappers - Fortress

I feel like fear of this movie is exclusive to those born between 1980 and 1985.  When searching for this movie a few years back, I came across tons of searches and questions from 20-somethings looking for the movie with the masked kidnappers who scared them so badly as children.  Fortress aired on HBO in the late-80s, a period rife with kidnappings and missing children.  The kidnappers in this flick wore ultra-creepy masks, including the infamous Father Christmas.  An especially frightening scene is when the students hide out in the mountains and the kidnapper taunts the eldest, screaming, "Noreeeeelllllleee!"'s giving me the shivers just thinking about it.

#7 - Mari rape scene - Last House on the Left

There's lots of abusive things happening in this movie, but for some reason I think this is the worst.  Although Phyllis attempt to take the brunt of the sexual assault and humiliation for her less-experienced friend, it comes to be Mari's time after all.  This scene is graphic and disgusting, and the drooling on her face makes it even worse.  But one of the worst parts is the fact that's she's lost all of her fight by this point.  This is followed by the devastating walk to the lake and just makes me want to curl up and shiver in the fetal position.

#8 The Bag - Audition

Audition is such an interesting movie in so many ways.  There's so much buildup that you find yourself on edge, preparing for anything because nothing truly frightening has happened yet.  Then comes that freakin' bag.  From the minute that bag moves to when we see what was living inside, my skin is crawling.  That shit is overboard.  Thank God I don't have a landline because I probably would never be able to look at/hear a regular phone in my house after seeing that.

#9 Phone Calls - When a Stranger Calls

Ahhh, the quintessential babysitter movie.  Boy, I do not miss those days of sitting at someone's house while the kids slept being all freaked out because I watched too many scary movies.  Yeah, this movie kind of veers off a bit after the super-scary babysitter scenes, but let's focus on those.  We all know that the first fifteen minutes of that movie were the source of every babysitter's nightmare.  Myself included.

#10 "Answer the Phone" - Wes Craven's A New Nightmare

Okay, so this is probably the one that will be considered my lame-ass selection, but oh well.  Creepy kids freak me out, man.  I have a whole tag dedicated to "scary children."  I actually liked New Nightmare (I know many people don't) and this scene was the creepiest.  Nancy comes downstairs in the middle of the night to find the original Nightmare playing on the television.  Her son, Dylan (the ultimate scary child, Miko Hughes) has taken all the stalker mail she's recieved and arranged it on the floor to read "answer the phone."  He then paces around the letters with a knife, singing "one two, Freddy's coming for you..."  Seriously, this movie is good birth control.  Don't have children, because they could end up putting you through this.

So there's my ten!  Please feel free to chastise me for forgetting something, or agree with me on how freaky this shit is ;o)

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Movie News: Danielle Harris signs on to do "The Victim"

Usually Twitter is a gigantic waste of my time used to stalk celebrities and see what my friends are doing on foursquare.  But sometimes Twitter yields a delicious nugget of info like this one.  Danielle Harris (@halloweengal) has signed on to do The Victim, which is slated for 2012.  The movie will also feature Michael Biehn, Ryan Honey, Jennifer Blanc, and Denny Kirkwood.  It's set to start filming in LA next month.

Here's the synopsis from Dread Central:

"Annie's (Jennifer Blanc) life is in jeopardy after she’s witnessed the horrific rape and murder of her closest friend. Fleeing from two attackers (Ryan Honey, Denny Kirkwood), she stumbles across Kyle (Michael Biehn), a recluse living in the middle of the woods.

Kyle finds the stillness of the woods comforting. The ruggedly handsome loner stays far from civilization - that is - until a single knock on his door throws his solitary life into chaos.

Two worlds collide in this psychological thriller that will make you question your trust in mankind. WHO IS THE VICTIM?"

I'm kind of meh about this plot, and I don't understand where Danielle fits in.  More news as shooting begins.

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Monday, July 5, 2010

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (2009)

Man, people loveeee to hate on Rob Zombie.  The man could make a movie that rivals The Exorcist and people would still find a way to talk shit.  Superbeasto is certainly not looking to win any academy awards, but it is some sick, hilarious, porno-ish fun.

This movie has an awesome voice cast, including Sheri Moon Zombie, Tom Papa, Paul Giamatti, Rosario Dawson, and even Sid Haig and Bill Moseley making some quick cameos.  Superbeasto is the tale of a washed-up wrestler named El Superbeasto (voiced by Tom Papa).  He's mostly focused on chasing skirts, while his sister Susi-X (Sheri Moon Zombie) builds robots who fall in love with her and fights Nazi zombies. 

Meanwhile, deep under the Earth, the weak and skinny Dr. Satan (Paul Giamatti) is on the search for his unholy bride so that he can become a beefy super-devil and take over the world.  His bride-to-be will apparently be recognizable by a "666" on her ass.  Enter Velvet Von Black (voiced by a hysterical Rosario Dawson), a stripper at a club being patronized by El Superbeasto.  As Beasto falls quickly in lust with Velvet, she is plucked up by an angry gorilla who is a minion of Dr. Satan.  As it turns out, she has the mark of Satan square on her butt.

Excitement ensues as Beasto and his sister, Susi-X take off for Dr. Satan's lair to retrieve Velvet Von Black.  And more drama is created when Beasto and Susi realize that Dr. Satan is a dressed-up nerd from their high school.  The battle begins as the two attempt to get Velvet and make it out alive.

This movie was full of seriously gratuitous violence, nudity (of the cartoon variety) and graphic sex.  Some say it's tiresome, I say it's hilarious.  If you are a fan of Adult Swim type cartoons, you'll love this flick.  If you're a Zombie fan, you'll love spotting the hidden cameos and references.  Fun times.

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Random: Kate Norby aka Wendy Banjo in Fiber One Commercial?

I have the day off from work today, so I'm indulging in one of my guilty pleasures, which is watching paternity tests on the Maury show.  Lo and behold, I see this Fiber One commercial come on and both me and my husband agree that it is no other than Wendy Banjo from The Devil's Rejects, eating Fiber One cereal and warding off the advances of a creepy co-worker.

Of course I can't find anything on YouTube, but I'm usually pretty good with spotting faces from horror movies.  Also, I'm going to be posting more random stuff like this, because it's fun ;o)

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Sunday, July 4, 2010

Cabin Fever (2002)

Strangely enough, I've never seen Cabin Fever.  I really love Eli Roth and yay, disgusting flesh-eating viruses, so it's weird that I've never gotten around to this flick.  But now it's out on Blu-Ray and that's the only excuse I really need, so let's check it out.

I feel like Cabin Fever was expressly written to be a cult-like 20-somethings movie a la I Know What You Did Last Summer, Urban Legend, et al.  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  This movie is rife with sex, booze, and endless cliches and that's the way (uh huh uh huh) I like it.  It's also chock-full of homages to horror classics, from the infamous cabin in the woods (Evil Dead) to the fact that the crew is listening to "The Road Leads to Nowhere" (The Last House on the Left).

Cabin Fever is about a group of college students who head to a remote cabin post-graduation.  There's Paul (Rider Strong) who harbors a secret crush on close friend Karen (Jordan Ladd), insatiable couple Bert (James DeBello) and Marcy (Cerina Vincent) and annoying macho tagalong Jeff (Joey Kern).  We even get a fun cameo by Mr. Roth himself.  They stop in a random general store to buy beer, and are harassed by the store's owner, as well as bitten by some strange kid.  But, the group moves on, excited to start a week of partying with no classes or distractions.

They arrive to find that the house is in good shape, but quite secluded.  Paul and Karen take off to go swimming, which Bert and Marcy lock themselves in the bedroom for some adult fun.  Jeff, in his typical fashion, takes off to shoot squirrels.  On said shooting expedition, he runs into a bloody vagrant who begs for help.  Jeff ignores him and returns to the house.  Later that evening, the group's fun is interrupted by a knock at the door.  It's the creepy guy again, looking worse for the wear.  They try to get him off the property, but instead, he bleeds all over everything, destroys the car, and takes off for places unknown.

From here, things pretty much go downhill for our happy campers.  With a non-working vehicle and no phone, there's no help to be found as Karen falls ill.  The remaining healthy friends search for nearby help, but to no avail.  They begin to turn against each other as things become bloodier...

This was a fun and gory movie, and I liked it.  Sure it had some amateur elements and you could have cut the crazy pancakes kid and some other nonsense.  But it was a good time and I'd definitely see it again.

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The Crazies (2010)

I'm a bad horror writer, and I've actually never seen the George Romero original of this.  Ooops.  And I'm usually not one to see box-office horror hits as they are typically lame.  But I like Timothy Olyphant and apocalyptic nonsense, government fuckups, etc. so I checked it out.

This was actually a pretty good movie.  For those who don't know the story, The Crazies is about a small town that falls into turmoil due to a strange infection that either kills people, or makes them homicidal maniacs.  Timothy Olyphant is the county sheriff, David, and Radha Mitchell is his wife and the town's physician, Judy.

David becomes concerned for the town's safety when the village drunk stumbles onto a crowded baseball field with a loaded gun.  Even more shocking is when his blood alcohol comes back as 0%.  Judy begins to worry when her office is busy with people complaining of strange symptoms that can't be explained by tests.

The town quickly deteriorates as more people become infected, and the government flies in and takes over. As it turns out, this infection is the result of a type of biological warfare that was being flown to Texas to be destroyed.  Unfortunately for everyone involved, said plane crashed in a nearby body of water which supplies drinking water to the town.  Bummer.  And now the government is commandeering everything, stuffing everyone into busses, and planning on killing residents with elevated temperatures.  Will anyone be able to escape the deadly quarantine??? Dun dun dunnnnn.

I would definitely recommend this movie.  There was plenty of suspense and gore, along with some fireball type action.  The end sets it up for a Crazies 2 and I wonder why nothing can be left alone without sequels these days.

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Friday, July 2, 2010

Thirst (2008)

I have no idea why it took so long for this movie to come out on DVD.  I liked this flick.  I've been seeing a lot of movies lately with strong female leads and I appreciate this trend immensely. 

Thirst (not to be confused with the vampire movie of the same name) is more a thriller/drama than a straight horror movie.  Noelle (Lacey Chabert), her husband Bryan, and couple Tyson and Atheria are on vacation.  Noelle is a med student and is having trouble relaxing on the vacay.  She's also not feeling too hot, and her husband is getting quite frustrated.

Atheria is a model and Tyson is a photographer.  Tyson, who isn't really the brightest crayon in the box, thinks it would be a great idea to go to a spot out in the desert for a bikini photo shoot of Atheria.  Noelle is not really on board, but tags along to appease her husband. 

80 miles from the nearest civilization, the group hangs out and does the photoshoot.  But when quiz-kid Tyson decides to drive around some rocks for a better shot, disaster strikes.  He rolls their truck down a ravine, wrecking it.  The four become stranded in the desert with no food and little water.  As the desert heats up and their supplies dwindle, they are forced to make difficult decisions and begin to turn on each other.

This movie was definitely low-budget and could have used some improvements, but I liked it.  It was a dramatic story, the acting was decent, and the ending was pretty good too.  They should have left the wolf out of it though because that was just stupid.

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