Thursday, September 30, 2010

Frozen (2010)

I have SO been looking forward to seeing this movie.  I feel like it came out in the summer and I wasn't really thinking about snow and freezing to death on a freakin' mountain.  But now it's on Blu Ray, which is obviously awesome.

I really liked this movie.  I feel like I heard a lot of crap from people about the specifics and logistics of the whole thing, but I thought this shit was pretty believable. 

Parker, Lynch, and Dan have set out for a little day of skiing.  Parker and Dan are dating, and Lynch and Dan are friends since childhood.  This in and of itself creates an odd dynamic, rife with drama and such.  Now these three are not the brightest crayons in the box, and they have this stupid plan to try and get on the ski lift by bribing the worker.   This works, and they probably should have stopped there, but they insist on squeezing in one last ride before leaving for the day.  Bad plan.  As they ascend to the top of the mountain, the lift comes to a halt, the lights get shut off, and holy fucking shit, they are stuck up there.

Obviously, panic ensues as they try to find a way out of the chair.  As it turns out, the resort is only open on the weekends, and therefore no one will be returning for nearly a week.  Just the thought of this was giving me a minor, okay major, panic attack.  As they attempt escape, shit seriously hits the fan.  You would think that a movie mostly focused on three people in one small area could not stay exciting, but you would be wrong.  This flick kept the momentum going from start to finish.

One thing I really found impressive about Frozen was the really intense emotions.  I am a seasoned horror veteran and even my cold cynical heart began to thaw when Parker was talking about her dog.  And although there isn't a ton of gore in this movie, the few moments of it really do the trick.

This movie certainly wasn't perfect in its logistics, and the ending was alright, but I really liked it overall.  I also think it's pretty awesome that they filmed it all with no green screens or CGI.  It really lends to the realism of the whole thing.  Definitely check it out.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Random: New York City Comic Con!

 It's come time to admit that I am a Comic-Con virgin.  Seriously.  I'm actually a horror con virgin altogether, which is terribly embarrassing.  But now that I've immersed myself in the horror world, am no longer planning a wedding, and have actually made something of this blog, I'm really excited to attend.

The problem?  I am TOTALLY overwhelmed by the choices, options, and just sheer fucking magnitude of the thing.  Also, Bruce Campbell charging $40 for autographs?  Come on, man.  

So for panels, I'm looking at attending:

How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse (Friday 2:15-3:15)

A Geek's Guide to Podcasting and Blogging (Friday 6:30-7:30)

Inkubus and Infected (Friday 9-10)

Corey Feldman/Lost Boys (Sat 10:45-11:45)

My Super Psycho Sweet 16 (Sat 2-3)

What else should I go to?  Also, any tips on how to get into the theater screenings?  In fact, any tips at all would be appreciated as I am such a noob!

Also, if you're going as well, send me an email at  I'd love to meet up with other horror fans.  I'm dragging my husband along on Saturday, but he'll likely be buying comics and bitching about me wanting to attend zombie panels ;o)

Movie News: Human Centipede Full Sequence Teaser Trailer

[Spoiler Alert: Don't read this if you haven't seen the first Human Centipede!]

There's no pictures of it yet, but Human Centipede: Full Sequence is coming.  Although the first billed itself as 100% medically accurate, this one is going to be 100% medically inaccurate.  I think Tom Six said there's going to be 12 (!) involved this time.   Seriously, props to this guy.  It's hard to get tongues wagging in the horror world these days and Centipede certainly did it.  I personally liked the movie, and I did not think it was as disgusting as advertised.  But I'm sure this second one is going to knock down some walls.

So, they have a teaser trailer out.  This trailer is pretty lameee.  It's just Tom Six talking about how the first sequence was soooo tame compared to what the second one is going to be.  He walks through some sort of parking garage while he waxes poetic on what a badass he is.  But he does reveal in the end that Dr. Heiter is not going to rise from the dead or anything like that.  They've found a new villian, pictured with a bag on his head, and he will be taking over in the ass-to-mouth department.

Call me a sicko, but I'm excited to see this nonsense.  C'mon with all the lame remakes and vampire bullshit floating around, I think we can all appreciate a psycho sewing twelve people together.  No official release date yet, but it will be sometime in 2011.  The Human Centipede: First Sequence drops on DVD and Blu-Ray next week.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Movie News: Rob Zombie movie announcement and he drops "The Blob"

Finally, the Rob Zombie movie announcement.  RZ is teaming up with Haunted Films (of Paranormal Activity fame) to bring us The Lords of Salem. 

Deadline New York has the (very) short sypnosis:

"The thriller is set in contemporary Salem, where the inhabitants receive a demonic visit from a 300-year old coven of witches."

Apparently Rob has been thinking about this idea for a few years, but he picked it up again after he decided to step away from the remake of The Blob.  Wait, he's stepping away from the remake of The Blob?  Thank God.  I love ya, Rob, but that was a dumb idea if I've ever heard one.  His rationalization?

"I wanted to break away from anything related to preexisting material,” he said. “The remake train is getting pretty tired now and when I made Halloween, everybody complained, either that it was too much like the original or too different. I like that people either love or hate what I do because it’s better than being in the middle, which means forgettable. But when you do an original premise, they take it on face value and after three years of not being able to win on Halloween, I just couldn't go through that again.”

Well, that's good news.  Now back to Lords of Salem.  RZ will be working on the script while on his upcoming tour, and will start shooting next year.  Apparently the production company has given him total control over script and casting, which we all know could be a bittersweet thing.  He could assemble an awesome cast a la Rejects or forced a lot of things that don't belong (ahem*ghost Myers family*ahem) like Halloween 2.

I'm not a huge fan of supernatural/haunting movies, but I'm going to try to keep a positive outlook for this one.  This is original Zombie material, which has succeeded wonderfully in the past.  Pictured above is the very first artwork from the movie, which is obviously very vague as a script has not even been written yet.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Movie News: Sid Haig to Recieve Lifetime Achievement Award

Sid Haig is absolutely one of my favorite horror movie actors.  Not only has he starred in two of my very favorite horror movies, but he has appeared in over 60 movies and 350 television episodes, spending a staggering 50 years in the acting biz.

At this year's Universal Eyegore Awards, Rob Zombie and Sheri Moon Zombie will present the man himself with the Lifetime Achievement Award, which he can put on the mantle next to his Fangoria Chainsaw and Spike TV Scream Awards for his role in Zombie's movies. 

Haig said the following, "After almost 50 years in this business, it is an amazing feeling to be honored at such a prestigious genre event as the Eyegore Awards. Thank you to everyone who has made this possible."

You can check out excepts from the awards on the Universal Halloween Horror Nights website. 

Monday, September 20, 2010

Movie News: Cold Prey 3

While we're still waiting to get Cold Prey 2 here in the US, they're already full steam ahead with Cold Prey 3 in Norway.  This one will be a prequel, focusing on the killer's childhood and how he came to be a psycho killer.

Now come on, let's get Cold Prey 2 on DVD!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Mortuary (2005)

I love Tobe Hooper.  I was just thinking while watching this flick that he and Rob Zombie have kind of a similar style.  You know with the backwoods trailer trash and fun gore.  This one goes a little more supernatural on all of us, but it's cool.

Mortuary is about a family that moves to a random house so that the mom can become a funeral director.  The house is ultra nasty, and seriously did this woman do any research on this?  The teenage son (Jonathan) and young daughter (Jamie) know that shit is whack but the mom insists on staying.

Luckily enough for business, dead bodies are coming in left and right.  But Mom Leslie is not so great at the embalming thing and it appears that some chemicals get mixed and bring the dead bodies to lifeeee. Leslie serves some assy soup and gets all freaky on everyone, forcing them to run for the hills.  Meanwhile, there's also a creeper named Bobby Fowler running amok.

There's a weird mold growing all around the house which apparently turns you into some sort of blood-spouting semi-zombie.  Or in the case of Leslie, you make gross soup and then spew blood.  Either way.  This movie wasn't horrible but it really just didn't have too much of a point.  People keep disappearing and reappearing as sort-of zombies and it's just so confusing, that you just are like "whatever" after a while.   Bummer.

Tooth and Nail (2007)

I know I'm partial to end of the world movies, but I actually thought this flick was pretty good.  The world comes to somewhat of an end because the gas supply runs out.  This actually seems completely feasible at this day and age and is pretty creepy.  Both Rider Strong and Michael Madsen are up in this jam, and that's enough to get me to watch.

A group of survivors has been holed up in a hospital for about a year,  and things are going well.  They have food, water, and safety and are being led by "The Professor."  Dude is a smartypants type who assigns chores and makes plans, and these people are pretty much sheep and follow him wordlessly.

One day, part of the group goes out on a little expedition and comes across some people in trouble.  A woman, Neon, is injured but alive and the group brings her back to their safe haven.  Everything is going fine until they start being stalked by a group of cannibals.  Some of the clan start to go missing and the former fortress of the hospital turns into a battleground.

This movie is a little slow-moving but there was a good story and a pretty decent twist.  I mean, yeah the people weren't the most brilliant in surviving post-apocalypse, but if they were, there wouldn't be a movie.  The acting was meh at best, but you know, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.  This flick was no Carriers but I liked it.  Worth a watch.

The Woods Have Eyes (2007)

Seriously, we couldn't think of a more original title for this movie?  I feel there were definitely better options out there.  Apparently this was "inspired by true events" which could pretty much mean anything these days.  Like someone died in the woods at some point in time and the writers were "inspired" to make this  ridiculous movie. 

A bunch of guidos with overdone Brooklyn accents are traveling upstate for a little summer retreat.  Nevermind that this was actually filmed in Florida, which does not resemble upstate New York in any way.  It's all fun and games until the guys decide to take a little hike to see Cappy's Cabin.  It's not clear why they would want to see this cabin, but there's not too much in this movie that is clear.

Two of the older guys, including Jersey Shore wannabe Carmine, take a bunch of the kids along on this hike.  They find the cabin, and one of the guys is pulled inside the window and killed.  That leaves Carmine and the kids to fend for themselves as a group of rednecks hunt them through the woods.   As the hunt begins, this movie gets horrifically boring.  Seriously, it's just 45 minutes of running through the woods, peppered with some occasional violence. The story really doesn't go anywhere, and the Pauly D clone leading this little pack is beyond annoying.

The ending was super super super lame.   Skip this one.  I paid $5.99 on Amazon for the Blu-Ray and it wasn't worth that.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Movie News: Rob Zombie will spill the beans this week!

So Rob teased us last week with the announcement that he's going to have some movie news coming out soon.  He stayed quiet for several days but he's broken his silence...briefly.

Seems he was on some radio show in Boston recently and the movie news is looking good.  Apparently the announcement is going to be about something completely original that's he has never spoken of before.  Seemingly that means no remakes (thank God) but that also kind of squashes my dreams for a Devil's Reject sequel/House prequel. 

Oh well, let's take what we can get.  RZ assures us that he'll be making the announcement this week so stay tuned.

Firestarter (1984)

Is Drew Barrymore the greatest child actress of all time?  I like to think so.  After making her mark in E.T., Drew moved onto horror in Firestarter, based on the hit Stephen King novel.

Firestarter is about Andy McGee (David Keith) and his daughter, Charlie (Drew Barrymore).  They're on the run from a secret government agency, due to the fact that they both have some special powers.  As it turns out, Andy and his wife Vicki (Heather Locklear) were involved in a little experiment when they were younger.  They were part of a test group for "mild hallucinogens" which turned out to make them acquire telekenetic powers.

As could be expected, their daughter was born with powers as well....but much more powerful than theirs.  Charlie can set things on fire just thinking about it, and damn Drew looks like a badass when she's doing it.  "The Shop," the agency they're running from, wants to get ahold of the two so that they can test on them and maybe turn them into secret weapons.

But 80s-sexy southern accent-having David Keith is having none of that noise.  Charlie sets shit on fire and they escape to a remote lakeside cabin.  But The Shop remains in pursuit.  Will they be captured?  And what will become of them?

There's a lot of star power in this movie, especially for an 80s SK flick.  Aside from the aforementioned, we've got George C. Scott as the creepy hitman, John Rainbird, Martin Sheen as the head of The Shop, and even Louise Fletcher makes a short appearance.  But no Stephen King in this one.  It's one of the rare movies based on his book that he does not cameo in.

I think this is one of the better movies based on King's work.  Drew is at her best - young and energetic with that attitude that made her famous.  The acting is solid, and the story moves along at a steady clip.  The soundtrack is pure 80s awesomeness by Tangerine Dream, also known for their work on Risky Business and Near Dark.  I love government conspiracy movies and this one really does the trick.

Movie News: Did anyone want to see a feature-length Marilyn Manson video anyway?

Who knew?  Apparently Marilyn Manson has been working on a biopic about the life of Lewis Carroll.  It was supposed to be called Phantasmagoria, and apparently has been in the works for quite some time.  Not suprisingly, it was to star Manson himself, his current gal pal Evan Rachel Wood, Lily Cole, and Tilda Swinton. 

However, a bunch of people peeped the trailer and were like no. freakin. way. dude.  I saw it myself, and I don't know what sort of movie it was supposed to be.  It just looked like a mash-up of a bunch of Marilyn Manson videos.  Apparently, he was looking for an Alice in Wonderland vibe, but the whole thing just looked like shitshow to me.

Anyway, after the extremely negative reaction to all the violence and sex in the trailer, the production company was just not having it.  They shut the whole thing down, and it's likely to never see the light of day.  I say, good riddance.  Marilyn Manson annoys the crap out of me.

Movie News: Demand Paranormal Activity know you want to.

I'll admit it....despite all the hype, I liked Paranormal Activity.  I saw it in the theaters and was literally scared.  That doesn't typically happen to me since I'm jaded from seeing hundreds of horror movies over the years.

Anyway, what we all have anticipated has finally come.  Paranormal Activity 2 is hitting theaters on October 22, but the good peeps at the production company are giving everyone the chance to demand to see it first. 

Just go to their website: and click on "demand it."   The city that gets the most demands gets to see it a couple day early.

I think one of the most brilliant things about Paranormal Activity was their awesome marketing strategy. (I'm an ex-Comm student so let me wax poetic for a second)  I mean, show a scary movie to a bunch of college students for free (brilliant), stick videos of them freaking out all over the internet (horror fans love a good challenge) and then let people vote to bring the movie to their city.  There was so much freakin' word of mouth about this thing that the production company never actually had to DO anything.  The rumors that sold the movie (it's real, she really died, it's so scary you'll wet your pants) got started on their own with no one lifting a finger.  Genius.

So go ahead and vote for your city so that you can check this movie out ahead of the screaming masses :o)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Hobgoblins (1988)

This movie is truly the epitome of 80s cheesy horror.  I remember seeing it a while back on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and it being one of my favorite episodes.  This movie is low budget, with horrible acting and ridiculous special effects...if you can even call them that.

Kevin is a upstanding young man, hard at work guarding an old studio.  He's accompanied by the aging McCreedy, who continues to guard the place after 30 years....because why...?  Oh, that's right, there's some creatures living downstairs in the vault and it's his job to keep them contained.

However, Kevin does not heed to his warnings, and lets the little monsters loose.  He learns that the hobgoblins make your deepest darkest fantasy come true...and then kill your sorry ass.  Kevin hurries to his girlfriend's house to protect themselves and some friends from the hobgoblins.  But it's too late.  These fake-ass looking things are attacking the Madonna-wannabe in the front yard, and everyone scrambles to save themselves.

However, soon everyone's crazy fantasies are being fulfilled and they've blocked out the threat of the harmful little aliens.  Kevin's friend takes off for "Reputation Road" with a phone sex operator, and his girlfriend takes off to be a stripper at Club Scum.  As the night wears on, it becomes more difficult to corral the little creatures, and we don't know who will make it out alive!

This movie has a 1.7 rating on IMDB, and I don't think it's THAT bad.  I mean obviously it's ultra corny and has horrible effects, but it's rather entertaining.  I do advise checking it out on MST3000 instead of a straight-up rental.  It's one of the best episodes I've ever seen (better even than Manos, Hands of Fate)

Monday, September 13, 2010

Random: Wherein Rob Zombie Continues to Freakin' Torture Me

Ohhhhh, Rob.  I'm putting up this sexxayy picture of you so I stop getting so goddamn annoyed at the fact that you are such. a. freakin. tease.  Don't post up little polls on what movie you should do next, and then don't say anything about it.  Then don't make this Twitter post four days ago without an update.

Big movie news announcement coming soon. Finally.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Machete (2010)

I usually don't even go to the movies, nonetheless review horror movies that are showing in theaters.  Most of the theater-run movies noawadays are total crap and I prefer to skip them entirely or at least wait for the DVD.

I've been obsessed with Machete since the fake trailer in Grindhouse and of course, I ran right to the theater this weekend to check it out.  And I HATE going to the movies.  So it takes a lot to get me there.  That said, I LOVED THIS MOVIE.  It was the most fun I've had at the movies since Superbad.  I laughed, I gasped, I lusted over Danny Trejo.

I feel like people who are hating on this flick are taking it wayyyy too seriously.  This is supposed to be a fun, action-filled gory movie.  Of course the acting was cheesy and the storyline was kind of all over the place.  Of course it was unrealistic that someone could jump out of a window using someone's intestine.  That was the point, people.

Danny Trejo was the ultimate badass.  Michelle Rodriguez was kickass, and Jessica Alba was not so bad.  Lindsay Lohan was actually pretty funny and DeNiro and Seagal were freakin' hysterical.  They were like carcitures of themselves.  The gore and action were pure Robert Rodriguez and everything was so over the top that it was awesome and really entertaining. 

If you want to think deeply about something, go see Inception.  If you want a heartwarming comedy, Going the Distance opened this weekend.  But if you want to have a kickass time at the movies, see Machete.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

High Tension (2003)

When I first saw High Tension several years back, I was totally naive to the world of French horror.  In fact, I even watched it dubbed, which I never do with foreign movies anymore, horror or otherwise.

High Tension is on sale this week for $7.99 on Blu-Ray which is obviously incredible.  I picked it up and spent an awesome afternoon with my couch and wine, revisiting this badass flick.

Alex and Marie are college students taking a break from partying and debauchery to focus on their studies with a vacation at Alex's parents' house in the country.  Although Alex seems to be quite promiscuous, Marie seems uninterested in boys.  In fact, you might say she leans more towards women.  Unrequited lesbian love is a common theme in French horror, and we see Marie watch Alex shower and then spend some "alone time" thinking about it.

Everything seems to be going swimmingly until an old truck pulls up to the house.  The creepy driver immediately kicks off a bloodbath, and kidnaps the two girls.  Dude cruises through the south of France killing people as the girls try to escape.  The twist to this movie is pretty freakin' awesome and the last scene will be burned in your memory for a while.

I would say that the problem with this movie, as with many French horror flicks, is that you never get to see it for the first time again.  Once you know the twist, you look at it in a whole different way.  This is definitely not my favorite French horror movie, but it made its mark are really being the first bloody French flick to go mainstream.

Suicide Girls Must Die! (2010)

I'm sort of a weird person.  I grew up making straight A's and working at places like day camps and the Home Depot.  I went to a preppy-ish college in upstate New York and studied journalism and PR.  I work a corporate office job and wear suits to work.  I live on the Upper East of Manhattan, married to a straight-laced guy who wears button-downs and polos.

However, I have a secret side.  There's the horror movie obsession, obviously.  I have several tattoos and planning more.  I listen to metal on the way to my Wall Street job.  And I want to be a Suicide Girl.  I imagine that I'm too old and I don't have enough tattoos/piercings, but don't kill a girl's dream, yo.

Rock of Love - Bret Michaels + the woods of Maine = Suicide Girls Must Die!  This flick bills itself as the "world's first reality horror movie" but I'm pretty sure that was The Blair Witch Project.  But, okay.

Suicide Girls follows a group of tattooed and pierced models as they travel to a cabin in Maine for a photo shoot.  On the way there, they are get piss-drunk and pulled over for public urination.  When they arrive at the cabin, the shenanigans continue.  Their days seem to be filled with drinking and getting high, with some girls doing naked photo shoots in between.  And yes, there is full drunken tattooed nudity in this movie.

The girls start to disappear randomly, but no one seems too concerned.  You can pretty much tell the whole thing is fake when the "cop", who is obviously a male stripper on his night off, shows up to reprimand the ladies for wasting his time.  And the fact that they all continue drinking and partying long after their "friends" are missing is a testament to the fact that they likely knew what was up all along.

But honestly, I'm not complaining.  I'm a huge Rock of Love fan, and if you love that show, you'll freakin' love this movie.  There's catfighting, boozing, and gratuitous boob shots, but unfortunately, there's no horror to be seen.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Movie News: Poster/Still from Rogue River

Oooh, I've been looking forward to seeing something about this movie.  Bill Moseley has been posting about it on his Twitter (his girlfriend Lucinda Jenney also stars) but overall, this flick has been flying under the radar.  Until now, of course. 

Dread Central has the scoop:

Director Jourdan McClure's Rogue River follows a young girl named Mara (Michelle Page) who while struggling with the recent death of her father, sets off on a solitary journey to Oregon’s Rogue River to scatter his remains.
When Mara’s car gets towed, she accepts a ride from Jon Wall (Bill Moseley), an affable redneck type, mourning the death of his young daughter. A quick detour leads them to Jon’s beautiful cabin deep in the woods where his wife Lea (Lucinda Jenney) quickly captivates Mara as they find solace in the shared grief of their own personal tragedies. But all is not as it seems on the picturesque Rogue River.
Mara's world soon devolves into a harrowing nightmare as she fights for survival in the dark and violent world of Jon and Lea. A nightmare shockingly unfolds into a spine-tingling crescendo of terror that will drag Mara into the most twisted recesses of the human psyche.

Woohoo!  I'm always excited to see Bill Moseley in something and it's pretty awesome that his girlfriend is playing his wife.  This one sounds pretty good and I'm looking forward to checking it out.  Here's the first still:

Random: My "Guilty Pleasure" Horror Movies

Showgirls is my #1 most favorite guilty pleasure movie of all time.  I enjoy watching this cheesetastic piece of crap more than I would like to admit.  They released it on Blu-Ray, so others must like it too, but I'm still slightly embarrassed in my obsession.

The same stands for horror movies.  There's some acclaimed and well-reviewed horror movies that we all love to go on about, analyze, and be proud to love.  And then there's movies that you may not want to admit openly that you like watching.  Maybe other people think they're horrible, maybe they're really cheesy, maybe you've ripped the director/writer/actor's other work(s).  Whatever it is, you know you have guilty pleasure horror movies.  And I'm going to spill mine.  Join me.  You know you want to.

The House of the Dead

I know, I know.  Uwe Boll sucks, this movie is in the bottom 100 on IMDB, I get it.  I still like this nonsense.  The cheesy acting, the splicing of the video game scenes, the lame zombie effects....I love this piece of crap.  I might even watch it and give it a good review on this blog.  So there.

 Maximum Overdrive

Stephen King admits that he was totally "coked out of his mind" during his directorial debut and had zero idea what he was doing.  This does sort of seem like a movie that someone on drugs would make.  I love this movie so much.  The AC/DC soundtrack, that scene where the camera pans back and shows all the trucks lined up on the highway, and of course that awesome green goblin truck.  The corny acting made this even more awesomely bad.  Love it.

Rest Stop: Dead Ahead

I've been ragged on so many times for liking this movie.  I don't care what y'all say...I love it.  Those old rest stops are creepy as hell and it's about time someone made a horror movie about it.  I don't care either that the chick in the closet was fake...that shit was still creepy.  I own this movie, and I will admit it.

 Cabin By The Lake

Made for TV horror movie?  Check.  Ex-Brat Pack star? Check.  A guy that has a garden of dead ladies underwater? Check.  This movie is extra cheesy and doesn't make too much sense, but don't you just love to hate it?

Freddy vs. Jason

The Blu-Ray of this flick is on sale at Best Buy this week.  I will admit that I'm slightly embarassed to stand in line and buy it.  I mean, really. Who likes a horror movie with the chick from Destiny's Child in it?  Every corny cliche pulled from both these franchises are played to death in this movie, but it's fun and gory and I like it.  I am pissed though that they booted Kane Hodder out of this one.