Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Butcher (2006)

What a strange cast of characters in this movie.  We have a douchey layered polo wearing meathead, an idiot who suggests shortcuts to Vegas through the woods, two lesbians with bad boob jobs, a chick in a wedding dress, a girl missing her tongue, and the requisite blonde who doesn't have enough sense to ditch the Abercrombie model.

These recent grads are headed on a road trip to Vegas, where apparently the one in the wedding dress has plans to have a 72-hour marriage Britney-Spears-style.  The douche with roid rage seems to have trouble sharing the road with others, especially a Jeepers Creepers -type truck they encounter during their trip through the woods.

After an accident involving one of the passengers, they're left stranded in the woods as their Escalade won't start.  They go wandering off in the direction of some smoke to find some help.  Every horror movie ever created would tell you that all the events leading up to this are cause for immediate death, but these idiots press on.

Pretty predictably, we then get treated to the next hour of these morons running around an old farmhouse while being trapped and chased by some psychotic backwoods hicks.  Nothing new here really, just corpses in random places, Leatherface-style butchering on dining room tables, and bear traps and razor wire galore.  This movie has pretty much nothing but bad acting and cliches.  It also includes ripoffs from every flick from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre to House of 1000 Corpses to Wrong Turn to Rest Stop.  We get deformed inbreds, incompetent cops, and cheesy lines such as "It's harvest time!!"

I checked the date on this and remembered that the mid-2000s were a time of much copying of horror movies and I should have assumed this one would be similar.  But of course, with my goal in life being pretty much to watch every horror movie in existence, you watch the good with the bad and the scary with the downright hilarious.