Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Random: 30 Day Horror Challenge Day 7

What's your favorite supernatural horror movie?

I loveeeee Poltergeist.  It combines so many good movie aspects -- Steven Spielberg, creepy children, frightening clowns, ghosts, and swimming pools full of skeletons.  It made the snow on the TV creepier way before The Ring and no matter how many times I see it, that scene with the stacked chairs gives me the freakin' willies.

I'm actually not a huge fan of most ghost/supernatural movies.  When a bunch of awesome and scary things happen in a movie, and then it turns out to be because of a ghost, I'm typically pretty disappointed.  But the ghost kinda made sense in Poltergeist and how can you go wrong with a little person screaming at a closet and Carol Ann being ejected all covered in goo? 

Additionally, the Poltergeist curse and all the craziness that surrounds it makes it all the more creepy.  Slightly exaggerated acting and silly quotes aside, this is a great classic flick.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Shredder (2003)

I've never been snowboarding, but my husband recently picked it up and became obsessed.  I'm also running out of horror movies to force him to watch.  Luckily, I came across Shredder, a horror movie about snowboarders being stalked by a snowboard-hater.  Good times, right?

A nice enough guy, Cole, is planning on heading up to the mountains for a romantic weekend with his girlfriend Kimberly.  Kimmy is a super-rich ice queen and apparently hasn't been giving up the goods.  Cole thinks that this will be the perfect weekend to seduce the little lady.

Little does he know that Kimberly has booked an entire entourage to join them on the trip, including a super-horny brunette that runs around the snow in her bra, a champion snowboarder, a goth-type outcast, and a hot Frenchman they pick up at a gas station. 

They arrive at the ski lodge to find out its not what anyone expected.  It's not really a resort, as much as an abandoned mountain that's selling for dirt cheap because of all the murders that occurred there.  Looks like Kim's daddy wants the randy co-eds to give it a test drive before he commits to the down payment.  The mountains are awesome, but the indoors leaves something to be desired.   There's no heat or hot water, but these kids seem to keep busy by seducing local law enforcement, and each other.

But what lurks in the snow?  A killer who hates snowboarders!  They cause accidents, don't follow ski etiquette and are just general nuisances on the slopes.  Those darn kids and their snow surfing.  Someone should take care of them.  And take care of them, they do.  There's nothing like freezing people like popsicles, chopping off their heads, and sticking them into a shredder.  That'll get rid of that pesky snowboarding problem.

The acting in this movie was about as fake as all the girls' boobs, but this movie was lots of fun.  Decent story, amusing characters, and some good kill scenes.  Worth a watch for a laugh.

The Maze (2010)

I'm from upstate New York, where corn mazes are the norm.  There's two types of corn mazes in my neck of the woods (fields?).  There's the Halloween corn mazes, where people jump out and scare the crap out of you.  And there's the summertime corn mazes, where there are clues and riddles to find your way through.

The maze in this movie appears to be some sort of Halloween maze since it seems to be cold out.  A group of friends decide they want to go to a corn maze.  Not the one near where they live, because the one in the boons is better.  But they get lost and it gets really late and dark.  The corn maze would probably be closed by now and if this were me, I would hit the nearest bar. 

However, these dipshits decide to go anyway.  Obviously, shit is closed down for the night, but they decide to get a flashlight and play tag in the corn.  This is a particularly weird corn maze, which is Alice in Wonderland themed and has lots of creepy props.  After a while, they split up to play hide and seek, and start noticing a creeper in a red hoodie skulking around.  But of course they're all alone at this point, and have no defenses against a non-speaking individual with a knife.

All homeboy has in mind is killing, and his objective is to pick off these poor suckers one by one.  There's screaming and running away and trying to defend themselves, but you could pretty much imagine how that turns out.  There is a fun little mystery to the identity of the person in the red coat, and I found it to be interesting. 

This movie got a pretty shitty rating on IMDB but I didn't think it was THAT bad.  Sure, the acting was mediocre and the idiots in the corn could have made better decisions, but if they were smart, we wouldn't have a movie.  It sure was no Isaac and Malachy, but I liked it.

photo source

Random: 30 Day Horror Challenge Day 6

What's your favorite vampire movie?

I'm probably liable to get some shit from the purists on this one, but haters gonna hate, yo.  I love From Dusk Til Dawn so much....don't even get me started.  I know there's a lot of animosity against Tarantino and/or Rodriguez out there, but count me in as a fan.  In my opinion, this is a near-perfect movie, with crime, shootouts, vampires, Clooney, Trejo, and Salma Hayek at her prime, dancing with a goddamn snake.

There's so much that's awesome about this movie, from the liquor store explosion to Seth's arrival with the burgers, to Juliette Lewis slamming down those whiskey shots like a champ.  So much great acting in this movie and a serious vibe that stays with you from the motel room to the trailer to the Titty Twister.  The story is pure Tarantino and the horror and effects are solid Rodriguez.  It doesn't get much better than this, kids.

Random: 30 Day Horror Challenge Day 5

What's your favorite monster movie?

People might hate my answer to this one, but I'm honestly not that big on monster movies.  Give me Michael Myers over Godzilla any day.  And I'm not sure if this is a horror movie, but close enough.

I freakin' love Gremlins.  In addition to it being my favorite monster movie, it is also my favorite Christmas movie.  Every Christmas Eve, after we leave Grandma's house, my sister and I race home to pop Gremlins in the DVD player (we finally upgraded from VHS)  It's also fun to see the look on people's faces when you tell them that Gremlins is your favorite Christmas movie.

Gremlins is such a great creature feature in so many ways.  You've got a great storyline, from the creepy underground store in Chinatown to the mean old lady neighbor to the lovely lady that Billy is head over heels for.  The little monsters were so realistic, especially for the 80s, and some of the scenes (like the movies and the bar) were beyond memorable. 

I really should write a whole separate post on Gremlins.  It really is one of my favorite movies, and definitely my favorite monster movie.

Random: 30 Day Horror Challenge Day 4

Today's question: What is your favorite werewolf movie?

This one is a cinch.  I've never been a big fan of werewolf movies, but Ginger Snaps is an exception.  Breaking away from the typical late 90s/early 00s slasher teen horror, Ginger Snaps took a whole different approach to werewolfs.  Not only did they attack wandering gentleman and Michael J. Fox, but now goth chicks on their period were open season.

There was so much going on in this flick, and the acting was pretty great for a bunch of teenagers and a modest budget.  The sisters interacted so well together, and the transformation from a depressed Morticia to a sex starved vixen was horror movie gold.

This movie also gives me warm fuzzy memories of my sister and I vegging on the couch on a lazy Sunday.  For some reason, Ginger Snaps was ALWAYS on the freakin' SciFi channel and we never missed it.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Random: 30 Day Horror Challenge Day 3

 Today's question: What is your favorite slasher movie?

I've love me some Sleepaway Camp.  So many awesome kills and a solid mystery as to what's going on, right up until the very end.  I guess this wouldn't be considered a typical slasher, but there is a sneaker being impaled by a bloody knife on the poster. Although it spawned numerous sequels, you can't really beat the first one.

Random: 30 Day Challenge Day 2

Today's question: What horror film do you relate the most to?

This is a tough one.  Although I love many horror movies, I don't really think about relating to them that much.  My love for horror began when I was in junior high.  I had a friend, and she and her sisters were obsessed with horror movies.  When we had sleepovers at her house, where we would stay up all night watching everything from Dream Warriors to The Exorcist.

After that, my sister got in on my love of horror.  On weekend nights where nothing was going on in our small town, we would stock up on B-movies and candy and have a horror marathon.  The late 90s to early 00s also brought the resurgence of teen horror movies.  Kicked off by Scream, we got such gems as I Know What You Did Last Summer and Urban Legend.

The Faculty was released in 1998, when I was a freshman in high school.  In order to see it in the theaters, my sister and I had to beg my mom to drive us to the mall, where we then bought tickets for something PG-13, and snuck into The Faculty.  At the age of 15, the thought of teachers being aliens was certainly not farfetched.  All the guys in the movie were so hot, and the girls were sporting the outfits we wished we were wearing. 

There were a lot of teenage movies I related to at that time (American Pie, anyone?) but The Faculty made its mark, and made me look at teachers even more weirdly than I already did.

photo source

Random: 30 Day Horror Challenge Day 1

I'm one day behind on this 30-Day Horror Challenge, but I'm going to catch up today.  These 30 Day things seem really big on Facebook, where all my teenage cousins seem to be doing them.  Yay, finally one for grown-ups.

Today's topic? A horror film that no one would expect you to love, but you do.

I was literally the only person that voted for When a Stranger Calls for Final Girl's Shocktober last year.  I did a lot of babysitting as a teenager, and babysitter movies always freaked me out to the core.  One of the creepiest parts about babysitting was going to check on the kids periodically, and I always had the sinking feeling I'd look in on them one night to find them gone.  Couple that with the fact that I am terrified of children from horror movies (I used to babysit a kid that was creepily similar to Gage from Pet Semetary) and you've got someone who would be afraid of a movie that involves Carol Kane.

Obviously the first 30 minutes of When a Stranger Calls is far superior to the rest of the movie, but I still think that scene in the restaurant at the end is bananas.  Also an awesome movie is the little-known When a Stranger Calls Back, a made-for-TV movies from the 90s that seriously gives me the willies.  I haven't seen it in years (after I lost the VHS that my sister and I taped off of television) so if someone can hook a sister up, let me know.

 photo source

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Basket Case (1982)

Basket Case is gooey 80s cheese on par with Hobgoblins.  Everything is so glorious about this movie, from the bizarre over-acting to the claymation-esque effects to the gritty depiction of New York City.

Duane Bradley (hailing from Glens Falls, NY....holla) makes his first trip into the city lugging a conspicuous basket around.  Apparently the basket contains his conjoined twin, Belial, who was removed against both of their wills.  Duane and his twin are out to seek revenge on those who have wronged them, including the doctors who separated them.

Along the way, they meet many characters and encounter many trials and tribulations.  Although Duane wants to have a somewhat normal life, his twin is afraid of being deserted.  When he leaves Belial briefly to go on a date, he retaliates, trashes the room and starts killing people.  Duane also befriends a prostitute who gets him so drunk he reveals the contents of the basket.  Mwahahaha.  Of course, you can't keep a deformed Siamese twin in a basket forever, and Belial has the urge to escape and wreak havoc.  Blood, hilarity, and deformed boob-touching ensue.

This film is obviously low budget, and the director claims that the wad of money that Duane flashes in the beginning of the flick was all the dinero they had for the movie.  But the effects are pretty good for such a low budget, and it's pretty apparent that the corniness and overacting are intentional.  The death scenes are pretty freakin' awesome, and well-played for a creature that looks like a squashed octopus.  For the fact that this was generally filmed at a hodgepodge of different locations, mostly borrowed or without permits, everything looked legit and flowed together pretty well.  This is a serious B classic, with so many awesome one-liners. If you're looking for some gore, laughs, and a crazy-ass storyline, then look no further than Basket Case.

I also find it endlessly hysterical that this was called "Where Do You Hide, Brother?" in Spanish.  Obviously, I'm easily amused.
photo source

Friday, March 18, 2011

Jason X (2001)

What do you do when Freddy vs. Jason is getting delayed once again, and you're desperate to give people some Jason Voorhees?  Send him to space, of course.   Duh.

Apparently the events of Jason X actually took place AFTER Freddy vs. Jason, what with it being in the future and all.  So I guess after Freddy and Jason were strolling around the end of that movie, Jason ended up in the Crystal Lake Research Facility sometime in the future.  Got it?  It really doesn't matter.  This movie was obviously intended to be beyond ridiculous.

So it's the future and there is some sort of research facility at Crystal Lake.  Of all places.  Jason has been captured and a bunch of researchers are trying to figure out why he won't freakin' die.  Ever.  But things go awry (obviously) and one of the researchers becomes trapped in some sort of cryogenic chamber. 

Centuries later, Earth is a wasteland.  Now people travel around in space contraptions, returning to the planet occasionally to do some research (lots of researching in this movie).  On one of these little expeditions, they find the scientist and Jason Voorhees icicles and are excited to discover how long they've been frozen.  Before anyone can realized that shit is fucked up, they thaw out Jason and let him loose.

Jason terrorizes the ship in his normal form, before mutating into some sort of Robocop Jason at some point.  This flick yields one of the best kills in Friday the 13th history (pictured above) when he dunks a chick's face into liquid nitrogen and shatters it on the table.  Everyone in this movie is dressed like they wandered off the set of Jawbreaker and there is even a femme-bot for your enjoyment.  This movie definitely meets the qualifications for so-bad-it's-good.

photo source

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Movie News: Kane Hodder talks Hatchet 3, choking people out, and wrestling Danielle Harris

I took a video at the monsters panel at Monster Mania.  It's mostly Kane Hodder talking (he tends to dominate the conversation) and he says some pretty hysterical things.  John Amplas and Doug Bradley also chime in.  Enjoy :o)

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Random: Monster Mania 17

Monster Mania 17 was a blast!  We made the four hour trek down to South Jersey/Philly, expecting to take a day trip to Philly at some point.  I don't know how we would have had any time for that since we were having such an awesome time.

You can check out the full list of guests here but we were most excited about meeting Kane Hodder, Allan Hyde, the Children of the Corn cast, and the Walking Dead peeps.  There was a Children of the Corn panel where we saw John Franklin (Isaac) and Courtney Gains (Malachy)

John Franklin brought his original Children of the Corn jacket from the 80s, and even screamed "you morons" like he did from the cross.  Courtney Gains on the other hand, refused to yell "outlander" and was generally a large douche when we saw him later at the bar.

On the opposite end of the awesome spectrum was the cast of The Walking Dead.  Norman Reedus, Steven Yuen, Jon Bernthal, and Laurie Holden all showed up for autographs and a panel.  They always came out to the bar after, and a few people even came up to a room party on Saturday night.  They were very fun and down to earth.

I don't have a picture of me with him, but Allan Hyde (Godric from True Blood) was also so nice.  We saw him at the bar, and room party later and he was always so nice.  Looks nothing like he does on the show though.

By far, my favorite person to meet was Kane Hodder.  There's a reason he's a fan favorite.  Not only will he chat with you when signing autographs, but would wave when you saw him out and about, and even chatted with us at the gym.  I have a hilarious video of him I'll post later.  He was super-excited that I saw Hatchet 2 unrated in the theaters and was genuinely surprised that I saw BTK and Ed Gein.

We saw Nick Castle, who played the original Michael Myers, and was completely uninterested in talking about it.  He's directed numerous movies since then, and wearing the mask was only the highlight of his career in the mind of horror fans.

The Monsters panel was my favorite event of the weekend.  It featured R.A. Mihailoff (Leatherface), Allan Hyde (Godric), Kane Hodder (Jason), Doug Bradley (Pinhead), and John Amplas (Martin).  They had a hilarious banter, including Kane Hodder saying "Face it, Pinhead is a bitch."

The whole weekend was such a great time.  We saw so many cool vendors and met so many really fun people.  I'll definitely be attending another Monster Mania.

Postscript: Rumor is that Ace Frehley was such a gigantic asshole that they canceled his Q&A and pretty much wanted him out of there as soon as possible.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Movie News: The Walking Dead Wants to be on the "Winning" Team

Oh, Charlie Sheen.  I don't know if you're in some drug-fueled manic episode, or if you are really just certifiably insane, but you have provided entertainment for all of us for the last week or so.  Everyone wants to get their hands on the "exclusive" Sheen, including The Walking Dead.  

Robert Kirkman, creator of the graphic novels, has been playing into the Sheen-mania.  From

Charlie call us, we we will totally make that happen,” he says, speaking from the Paley Center “Walking” Dead event Friday. “We’ll do whatever you want.
We’ll recast YOU as Rick,” says Kirkman, still speaking to Sheen with tongue very much in cheek. “Andrew Lincoln will find something else to do.  Actually (Sheen) could play a car for all I care,” he adds. “He’s awesome.

I think Charlie Sheen knows exactly what he's doing.  I don't know if he's high or not, but every word out of his mouth is becoming an internet sensation.  Put him on the show, it'll be a blast.

photo source

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

Although the title declares that this is the "final Friday", we obviously know that it is not.  We still get treated to Jason X, Freddy vs. Jason, and that godawful, nonsensical remake. 

Jason Goes to Hell is kind of silly.  Obviously completely out of ideas at this point, we go the supernatural route, saying that Jason's nasty-ass black heart can possess any number of people.  These people will then become like Jason and go on killing sprees of their own.  Caught up in all of this is Diana and her daughter, who are apparently the only living relatives of the Voorhees clan.  As such, they are the only ones who can kill Jason's spirit, or black heart, or whatever it may be.

So Jason's spirit traipses around, inhabiting various bodies and stacking up a death count.  Bounty hunter Creighton Duke is intent on getting a $500K payday so he involves himself in the family affairs, seeking to have Jason gone for good.  The movie photo is apparently supposed to be a representation of the snake-like creature that Jason has become, springing out of severed necks and seeking a new host.

A battle ensues, and as expected, Jason is killed AGAIN.  The end is a snarky nod to the oft-delayed Jason/Freddy movie, which had been in the works for years at this point.  This was definitely one of the more boring entries in the franchise....maybe because Hodder was barely in it...? ;)

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

Oh, Friday the 13th Part VII, you will live in infamy for having created the glorious sleeping bag scene, which was sadly cut from six whacks against the tree to merely one.  Part VII is also important for being the first Friday the 13th to have Kane Hodder play Jason Voorhees.  He would then go on to play him in three more films before being booted from Freddy vs. Jason for not having puppy dog eyes or some such nonsense.

Obviously at this point, the writers are having difficulty coming up with ideas to bring Jason back from his various deaths.  At this point, he has been chained to the bottom of Crystal Lake by Tommy Jarvis, hopefully never to return.  Of course, the most logical cause for his rebirth would be a pissed off telekinetic (Tina) who stares at the lake until it gets all bubbly and Jason breaks loose. 

This time, a bunch of twenty somethings are at the lake at a cabin for a birthday party.  Staying next door are Tina, her mom, and her psychologist.  As it turns out, as a child, Tina became infuriated at her father as he abused her mother in an alcoholic rage.  This released her hidden telekinesis, and she destroyed the dock her father was standing on, causing his death. 

This caused her to be slightly messed up and fully committed to a mental institution.  This trip to the lake was the idea of her doctor, in order for her to face her demons and be healed.  But pretty much, her doctor is a douche and just wanted to get her riled up enough to showcase her telekinetic powers for his video camera.

As per usual, Jason goes on a killing rampage, offing 16 people altogether.  He looks really badass in this sequence, with the bones poking through his skin and the mask a little worse for the wear.  Kane Hodder, being the awesome person that he is, set a record at the time in the furnace scene.  Instead of using trick photography to capture the burning sequence, Hodder burned for a full forty seconds, which was a massive accomplishment at the time. 

Jason peaces out in the typically fashion, being pulled into the lake.  Although each Friday the 13th was kinda supposed to be the last, we all know that he returns to take Manhattan shortly thereafter.

Exam (2009)

Exam was a fun mindfuck of a movie.  8 individuals are given the chance of a lifetime.  They've jumped through several hoops, and now they're at the last stage of an interview process for their dream job.  They are placed in a room with 8 blank sheets of paper, and several instructions.  Basically, they have 80 minutes to answer one question, without being disqualified.

The participants immediately go to work trying to find the question, which they think to be hidden somewhere in the blank pages.  They smash a bunch of lights, set off sprinklers, and even pee on the pages before they realize that they are doing things all wrong.  As the time remaining dwindles, new information comes to light, which causes the participants to turn on each other. 

As it turns out, everyone ended up at this stage in a different way.  Some were headhunted, some applied directly, and some expressed interest from inside the company.  Therefore, some people are aware of the job they're actually applying for, while some are still in the dark.  This is important as the company in question is the manufacturer of a virus suppressant for a global pandemic. 

With time running out and the question still a mystery, who will get the job, or even live through the exam?

This movie was fast-paced and exciting, and I really did like the ending.  The acting was good and the plot really kept me guessing.  I would definitely recommend Exam.  Nice job, Brits.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Movie News: Javier Bardem to play the Gunslinger?

I have a confession.  As much as I love Stephen King, I've just never been able to get into the Dark Tower series.  I read the first one, and re-read it.  I was still meh, so I tried the second one.  I couldn't get through it.  I know, I'm a horrible person! 

I've heard people say that Dark Tower is sort of akin to Lord of the Rings so if you like one, you'll like the other.  My feelings towards Lord of the Rings can be summed up by Randall in Clerks 2 so I guess you can figure out that I don't like those movies/books either.

But the moral of this story is Javier Bardem is hot.  And a great actor.  And he may very well be playing the Gunslinger in the Dark Tower franchise, which currently have a tentative release date of May 17, 2013.  This is currently being envisioned as three films and a television series, which will encompasses all seven books.  At least the first part would be directed by Ron Howard, but he plans on having his hands in the whole deal.

So what says Javier?  According to Shock Til You Drop, he is "psychologically locked" for the Dark Tower series and it seems only his schedule will decide his fate at this point.  From what I know of the series, it seems that Bardem would be a great choice.  This is obviously a massive undertaking, and I'm interested to see how it goes from here.  Unfortunately, so many King projects have been dropped over the last few years (especially Talisman, wtf?!) so I would like to see this one come to fruition.  Stay tuned.