Sunday, June 14, 2015

Finders Keepers (2014)

Oh, those sweet, sweet words, "a SyFy original movie."  And this one's a true trifecta: Jaime Pressly, Tobin Bell, and a possessed doll. I'm a child of the 80s that grew up fearing Chucky, so the whole devil doll thing penetrated my fragile little mind from a young age.
Holy crap, what did Jaime Pressly do to her HAIR?! She was going for a Carey Mulligan and got slapped with Demi Moore circa Ghost.  Unfortunate.

Alyson (Jaime Pressly) and her daughter Claire (Kylie Rodgers) move into a house where shit clearly went down in the past.  Claire immediately finds an extremely creepy doll and demands to keep it.  Upon befriending this doll, Claire instantly becomes a total asshat, refusing to go to school and sitting in her room, singing and ripping the wings off flies...oh, and maybe killing cats.  Possibly humans.  You know how this stuff can get out of hand.

A psychiatrist, Dr. Freeman (Tobin Bell) says that it's the stress of moving, but when Alyson sees some pictures of the former residents of the house with the doll, she goes looking for Zachary (Joey Luthman).  And ooops, it turns out that he murdered his entire family and two cops, something that the real estate agent failed to mention.

So while Dr. Freeman accuses Alyson of child abuse, the doll strengthens its hold on Claire until they are physically and mentally connected.  They try to throw the doll away but you know those little assholes make their way back.  

This was a pretty predictable possessed doll movie, with nothing new to offer this sub-category.  And I'm a big fan of SyFy original movies because I feel like they can be intentionally/hilariously bad, but this one didn't fall into that realm either.  The Wikipedia summary is pure gold, though.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort (2014)

I'm such a sucker for the Wrong Turn movies.  I wonder if the use of the word "last" in the title means they are ending the series.  I mean there's really no reason to keep making these movies, but people like me keep watching them!

We get the typical Wrong Turn beginning.  A poor, unsuspecting couple is gettin' nekkid in the West Virginia woods only to be happened upon by deformed cannibals.  Meanwhile, two other likely-unfortunate groups are traveling to WV to check out a hotel that one of them, Danny (Anthony Ilott) inherited.

What they imagined to be a little motel in the woods is a massive, sprawling old inn complete with hot springs and a weird brother/sister/lover caretaker duo, Jackson and Sally (Chris Jarvis and Sadie Katz). Jackson tells the cannibals to leave the visitors alone, but they've never really been good listeners, have they?

As things start to go awry, Jackson and Sally become more and more excited to introduce Danny to his family, and I imagine you can guess who that is.  The longer they spend at the hotel, the more Danny wants to live there permanently, therefore turning against his friends and girlfriend.

"You don't know me anymore!  I've changed!"

So I thought the backdrop of the crumbling resort was pretty cool (it was filmed in Bulgaria, which is becoming a very popular location for horror flicks) but I was disappointed in the lack of deformed cannibals and, more importantly, creative and gory deaths.  Plus there's this weird side story about public sex in stirrups that made absolutely no sense.  It's left open, of course, to a sequel, possibly involving an inbred baby that they're excitedly trying to make as the movie wraps up.  So I won't be surprised if we see a Wrong Turn 7 (Three Cannibals and a Baby?) on the horizon.