Saturday, August 22, 2015

The Seasoning House (2012)

I did a major overhaul of my Netflix instant queue yesterday.  Whereas I used to be able to bang out 6 movies on a lazy weekend, now I'm lucky to get through one or two.  So therefore, I had to cull all the one-star stuff that I used to love to hate.  I've turned the parenting duties over to Scream King for a little while, and first up this afternoon is The Seasoning House, which I've been hearing about.

The Seasoning House is the story of a brothel in the Balkans, which mainly supplies kidnapped prostitutes for military men.  Angel, originally kidnapped to be a prostitute herself, is deemed unattractive due to a large birthmark on her face, however, trustworthy due to the fact that she is a deafmute.  Instead of being killed or abandoned, she is assigned to work for the owner of the brothel, Ivan, cleaning up and drugging the women that work there.

Sadly, women keep dying as the patrons of the brothel are raping and abusing them to an extreme degree.  Angel, who is able to traverse the house through crawlspaces, unbeknownst to the men, befriends Vanya, who communicates with her through sign language.  When she sees the group who brought her into the brothel in the first place, with one of the men violently raping Vanya, she snaps.  This leads to multiple deaths, standoffs and attempted escapes.  The movie ends on a high note, for one person at least.

This isn't a standard horror movie with blood and guts, and there's actually little to no nudity, even with the portrayals of graphic rape.  This isn't one to watch with a six pack and popcorn, but is a well-made thriller nonetheless.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence (2015)

No one is taking The Human Centipede movies seriously anymore, are they?  While the first one was somewhat of a pop culture phenomenon, and certainly made its mark on the horror genre, surely everyone gets that Tom Six is making these purely for shock value now.

As we all probably heard, Human Centipede 3 takes place in a Texas prison.  Dieter Laser plays Bill Boss, the sadistic warden.  He attempts a Texan accent for about 5 seconds and then lapses back into his voice from the original movie.  They cover this up later by saying he's German-American. His accountant is Laurence Harvey from HC2, now playing Dwight Butler. Adult film star Bree Olson rounds out the trio as the much-abused secretary, Daisy.

Despite Boss's efforts to strike fear in the prisoners, and be incredibly racist in the process, the prison is incredibly inefficient and hemorrhaging money. After trying other methods such as bone-breaking, boiling waterboarding, and castration, they decide that the best solution to make the prisoners behave is to make them into a giant human centipede.

There's really no end to the disgusting things in this movie -- a rape in the kidneys, the eating of dried clitorises, raping a woman in a coma, eating of shit (outside of the centipede!), and of course, the sight of the prison centipede itself--500 people sweating and shitting in the hot Texas sun.

Human Centipede fans should be thrilled to see the return of Laser and Harvey, and there are also several other recognizable names, such as Eric Roberts, Robert LaSardo, Tommy Lister, and Tom Six himself.  I'll admit that Bill Boss's screaming got a little old about 45 minutes into the movie...and after that, you get an hour more of it.  This movie definitely could have been trimmed significantly. Several of the scenes relied too heavily on Laser, and, of course, his incessant yelling.  But Tom Six is basically just fucking with us, right?  If you go into it with that attitude, you might get a kick out of this, alongside getting totally grossed out, and getting your curiosity fulfilled.